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I really don’t know how to say this any other way. My dog decided to talk to me the other night and he had a lot to say. It initially played like any other night really. Once again, I was tossing and turning, in and out of sleep. I was half awake, mulling over my job situation: I want to make money writing but I need an income more. Then the most bizarre thing happened. “Hey human Bob! This is your best friend speaking! Wake up!” Who the hell was that? It was a deep, low voice; strong and certain with a hint of a bourbon induced slur. Sounded like Dean Martin actually. I immediately sat up. It was pitch black. The radio clock blurred 3:53 in a dull crimson light. All I could make out was the shadowy outline of Parker, my trusty beagle, sitting upright at my feet. “Hey boy, did you hear that?” I whispered instinctively. “Someone’s in the house.” My vision was starting to warm up to the darkness. Parker just stared back at me, his head tilted, his long ears hanging to the side of his head like hand towels on a wall. He turned his head to the bedroom doorway, lifted his nose to the night and sniffed. He turned back to face me. “Don’t think so.” I swore Parker spoke but it couldn’t be. I mean his hound drawn lips seemed to move to the words I heard but that was impossible. “Who’s there?” I yelled into the night. “Whoever it is, I am warning you that I am at this moment retrieving my loaded double-barrel twelve gauge from under the bed. I will shoot you. So leave now and I want to hear the door slam behind you.” I made some dumb noises in a lame attempt to fool the intruder into believing what I had just proclaimed. I took the ruse to the next level. “Okay. I’m fully armed and about to call 911 from my fully powered cell phone. Oh yeah, strong signal, four bars. Oh yeah, this is going to be a very clear 911 call.” “You’re breaking me up. Put the phone down human Bob.” It was Parker talking. I was certain of it. Nah, it had to be a sick trick. “Okay, good one Steve. You wired up the dog with a little speaker. Very funny.” My brother Steve was known to go to great lengths to pull off pranks. But I was pretty sure he was at his apartment in the city, sixty miles away, God knows doing what, and at 48 years old, unlikely to suddenly bother me with a prank—it had been 25 years since his last one. But the mind scrambles to the most implausible scenarios when so duly challenged. “Don’t think so. Nope it’s me, Parker,” the dog mumbled. I was positive he spoke again. By now I was sitting straight up, leaning towards him. He just sat there and looked at me with those big dark eyes. His poker face was on. “Parker? Are you talking to me?” “Well I’m not talking to myself.” I leaned back against the headboard. He yawned. “This can’t be. I’ve got to stop watching Animal Planet.” “Listen, I’ve got something to say and I’m not sure how long this talking stuff is going to work so …” “You are talking!” I interrupted incredulously. “Should you want I bow wow?” “Holy cow! Parker you are talking.” “Yup. But I’m not sure for how long. So can I say a few things before …” “I can’t believe this.” “Yeah I know. Either can I but if you don’t mind.” I looked at him with a giant smile plastered across my face. Parker can talk. The dog was talking. Who was I kidding? It had to be a prank. He continued. “I’ve been listening to a lot of that talk radio and that C-SPAN channel you watch while you write. I’m here to tell ya I don’t like what I’m hearing.” “You’re kidding me right?” “Afraid not.” Oh this was good. I was really hallucinating. Talk-shmalk, I had a few nagging questions of my own. “Hey, can I ask you something before you get to your stuff?” “Make it quick. I haven’t got all night.” “You like smell things a hundred times more than we do, right?” “Four hundred.” “Okay, four hundred. Wow! Then I really wonder about this.” “Yeah I know. Why do we like to sniff every morsel of excrement or yellow patch of urine we encounter on our walks?” “Now that you bring it up, yeah, why? It must smell like the inside of Dick Cheney’s or Ted Kennedy’s septic tank? And you know how much crap they’re filled with.” “That was a funny one human Bob. But it isn’t like what you smell. We pick up a lot more notes. It’s a broader pallet if you will. We don’t smell stink. We smell identity, mood, and illness. For instance, you know that crazy cairn terrier down the street?” “Yeah.” “She has stomach cancer and her humans don’t have a clue.” “You are kidding me?” “She probably has less than six months if they don’t get her to a vet soon.” He paused to lick his right front paw. “Yeah, and another thing. Don’t take me out at nights for awhile.” “Why?” “Cause there is a rabid possum living under the porch. That’s why.” “You know this from the smell of possum poop?” “Excrement.” “Whatever.” “Yup.” Parker yawned as if bored. “So is that it? Can I say what I need to say?” “Well there is that thing you do with that licking your, you know, your …” “Penis?” “Well, yeah.” “Jealous are we?” “Well, it’s just that …” “It’s all about keeping clean. Nothing pleasurable if that’s what you’re driving at. Nothing like what you do with your hand. By the way, I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t pet me afterwards. Nope, no pleasure; it’s all business. You made sure of that when you had me “fixed”, remember. Thank you very much.” “Oh yeah, sorry about that. I had no idea you knew any different.” “No idea my butt. I’ll ‘no idea’ ya.” He paused again to lick his right paw again and then continued. “But I don’t hold it against you. We don’t hold grudges. Heck, if we did, we would have mauled most humans dead by now. Which brings me to why I am talking to you.” “No grudges. Really? I mean that “fixing” stuff is pretty serious. That’s pretty good if that doesn’t bother you.” “You done? Can I get to my concern?” “Sure. Sorry. Go ahead.” “How can humans be so smart supposedly, while they single handedly are destroying the Earth?” “You mean global warming?” “It’s more than that. It’s the air. It’s the water. It’s the dirt. It’s the forests. It’s the killing. It’s the anger. It’s the hate. It’s the grudges. It’s the fear. It’s everything.” “Oh come on. You’re being a little dramatic.” “We don’t know dramatic.” “Well give me examples of what you mean.” “First of all, the air is filled with danger. Dogs, cats, birds, animals of all kinds can smell it. It is our biggest topic when we get together.” “I don’t smell a thing.” “Yeah, that’s part of the problem. And you can’t taste the troubled water either.” “Scientists don’t seem to be complaining. So I should be listening to a dog?” “We have no agenda. Dogs call it as they smell it.” “ ‘call it as they smell it’; I’m suppose to just accept that?” “Yeah, there is a lot you should just accept.” “Oh yeah, like what else?” “Well, and here is what I think is the crux of the problem, you keep choosing the wrong alpha humans.” “What?” “You’ve got this alpha thing all wrong. Just because animals order their packs based on physical size and strength doesn’t make it so for humans. We do it because we are simple. You do it because you are thoughtless. That’s what we, and I think it is fair to say I am speaking for all animals, don’t get. Humans are able to think things through. But they never do. Well, that’s not completely true; some have but they are mocked or marginalized. An alpha dog barks and gets all puffy, like that wacky shepherd Sarge from around the block. The worst he can do is break out of his electronic fence and charge one of us. But you humans take it up a notch.” “Can you give me a for instance?” “God there are so many. Let me see. Okay, you’ve elected a president who pounds his chest and walks around like a gorilla with its arms all out to the side, all tough and all, carrying on with ‘bring it on’. When he jumps the fence, he brings tanks and bombs and humans loaded down in weapons and in body armor. Meanwhile, you have alpha males all over the place, flexing their muscle in their packs, threatening to obtain nuclear weapons, the great equalizer, giving the president one excuse after another to hop the fence. It’s nuts. And I for one am telling you, you’ve got it all wrong.” “Well, I don’t know what to say.” “You don’t need to say anything. Just start picking the right alpha humans; humans whose visions see beyond fighting, whose hearts hold no grudges, whose thoughts and reasons are not the products of testosterone, whose collective knowledge is rooted in the concept that true peace is never the consequence of war but the outcome of constant learning, negotiating and adjusting.” “This is what you want to tell me? Nothin’ for nothin’ but it’s a little heavy for a little chat with a dog at 3:30 in the morning.” “In a nut shell, yeah.” It was hard to accept this from my beagle. I mean, he’s a dog; a sleeping, eating, sniffing, crapping dog. I was chalking this whole episode up to stress. I was apparently snapping. “That’s it. I’m pretty much done. Just one last thing while I have the chance.” “What? World hunger? String theory?” I asked sarcastically. “You get the right alpha humans and the world hunger thing will take care of itself, smart ass. As far as string theory, who do you think I am, Hawking? I’m just a dog. No it’s more pedestrian than that, something I think you can manage.” “Then what, already?” I asked impatiently. “You know that thing you do occasionally where you empty the dish washer in the buff.” “Ummm … yeah I guess.” “Put some clothes on. It’s disturbing. I’m beggin’ ya, please!” “All right, but only if you lick your privates in private.” “I’ll see what I can do. No promises.” “So this is it? No more talking? You know we could make a fortune on Letterman with his stupid pet tricks.” “It’ll never happen. You see, this is a one time deal. Not sure why or how this is happening. Maybe that God guy is involved somehow. All I know is that when it is done, it is …” He abruptly stopped talking. “Parker?” Not a grunt. He yawned and as he did he stretched his front legs out and spread across the foot of the bed, his ears resting flat on the blanket. “Parker … are you done? Is that it?” He slowly closed his eyes and floated off to sleep. “Parker … just like that?” He began to twitch; in hot pursuit of a fox I imagined. “Holy smokes. I must be dreaming myself.” I curled back down under the safety of my covers, scratched my butt and thought about the conversation I had just had with Parker or myself or both. I sniffed the air. It smelled fine to me. What the heck was he talking about, ‘danger in the air’? It had to be a dream. As I drifted off to sleep, I thought about getting a real job real soon, apparently this writing stuff was getting the best of me. I also made a point to remember to talk to the owners of that crazy cairn terrier. I thought it was the least I could do. 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Measuring your penis is one of the many things that can make or break a successful penis enlargement experience. One could almost compare it with a good show on TV. If it’s scheduled too often, it loses the precious rarity value, if it’s on once a month with no reruns people lose interest and move on to something new. None of these approaches is desirable and the wise penis enlargement customer soon learns how to refrain from grabbing the ruler too often and also learns how to keep his own interest focused on the enlargement process without the need of frequent measuring. The biggest problem is that frequent measuring may destroy the focus and will to continue. The penis needs time to respond to the enlargement technique and frequent measuring is unlikely to show significant gains. It takes a number of weeks to add an inch to the penis, so weekly measuring is not a good idea. Nor is incorrect measuring a good idea. Measuring the penis is always a bit tricky and a seasoned customer needs to know all the tricks in order to have an accurate idea about the effect of the enlargement effort on the penis itself. The basic rule of correct measuring is consistency. You need to put one end of the ruler in the same spot over and over again in order to see the exact amount of length and girth gained by your penis. This is why the recommended measuring technique is the one known as “bone pressed flaccid/erect length”. The reason why it is called thus is because the ruler is laid along the side of the penis and pressed a little into the pubic bone. The bone serves to provide the very fixed spot we’ve been discussing, regardless of factors that may influence the size of the penis. As you probably know already, the penis is a sensitive mass of tissue through which a lot of blood is circulated. It shrinks when cold and it expands a little in heat. Tight pants keep it shrunk, while the morning jog is likely to engorge it as it puts the entire cardiovascular system in motion. This is why you should measure your length from the bone and not from the fat pad that covers it. Actually, you can use both measuring techniques and put both results in your logbook. This way you will know how long your penis really is and how much of it can be seen above the fat pad. Still, you should keep in mind that any layer of fat added to the pad will cut into the penis size and make it look smaller. This means that sometimes losing a bit of weight might make the difference between a successful penis enlargement program and an utter failure. It doesn’t really matter if your penis added a quarter of an inch over the course of a month, if you’re fat pad got an extra half an inch. But using both measuring techniques at the same time might tip you to where the true problem lies. top rated penis enlagement pills penis enhancement patch penis enhancement tool does penis enlargement work penis girth enlargment penis enlagement tool penis enargement supplement manual penile enlargment exercise surgical pennis enlargement

Here are a few of the things I absolutely love about the internet... - I love how every time you use a search engine to search for anything nowadays - every single result you get is a page with text that appears to be either generated by a computer or an illiterate child from somewhere in rural India. Filled with nothing but repetitive keywords. Surrounded on all sides by ad links and menus, and more menus, and even more menus, leading to more and more ad links? - I love how eBay’s become soooo big that they can afford to have the worst customer service since the Concierge at the Dungeon of the Spanish Inquisition! - I love Nigerian Royalty and their persistent and valiant attempts to gain restitution for the hundreds of millions of dollars that were so unlawfully stolen from them (or, should I say, kept from them)! These guys can hardly even spell - yet they’ve made a fortune by proving just how stupid and gullible people can be. That’s free-enterprise for you! - I luv evrytng abt txt-msging! It gives the average dullard that many more ways to look simple and uneducated every single day! - I love how MySpace has become the third most popular web site in history - and I can’t, for the life of me, think of a single reason why anyone would want to use their site! - I love how Google has become the online version of the Bush Administration - say one thing and do something completely different! ‘Don’t be evil?’ seems to equate to: ‘Be evil anyways, as long as there’s money involved.’ - I love how my computer has a unique serial number; how my copy of Windows has it’s own unique serial number; and how I connect to the internet with a unique IP address - yet not a single freakin’ web site knows that I’m actually me - and I still have to enter 18 billion passwords sixteen times a day! Really! It’s the 21st century! Come on already! - I love how the internet has expanded my mind! If it wasn’t for the internet, I might never have known what a goatse was (be sure to take a picture when you try it yourself)! - I love how the internet exists - yet, people still spend billions and billions of dollars every year on pornography. - I love how Windows has all these little pop-up windows that appear whenever something goes wrong and give you advice on how to fix the problem. And, I especially love how this advice never, ever, EVER actually solves your problem. - I love Craigslist - now I’ll never have to search long and hard for penis enlargement pills or prostitutes ever again! - I love how if I spot a fraudulent eBay auction - and email all the bidders to warn them that the item they are bidding on is actually a fake - it’s not the crooked seller who gets booted off of eBay - it’s me! - I love how the US and UK Governments are reading every single email on Earth (including every single email you sent this year) - and not a single, solitary person seems to care! - I love how Wikipedia has garnered a niche as the place to go for an authoritative encyclopedia full of knowledge - yet you never know for sure if what you’re reading is entirely correct... - I love how they’ve added digital cameras, digital video cameras, instant messaging and email to cellular phones - now they’re four times more annoying than they were four years ago! - I also love Parents who think it’s perfectly acceptable for their 7 year old to have a cellular phone. Great. Now you can over-parent your children from a distance! - I love how Google’s only truly relevant result is for the search term 'miserable failure.' - I love eBay sellers that manage to find the time to keyword spam a 10,000 word essay into their item description - yet only have the time to add one single (and extremely vague) line about the actual item they are selling. - I love how every time I click on an ad for ‘mesothelioma,’ somewhere out there, it cost an ambulance-chasing lawyer fifty bucks! - I love how I can purchase virtually everything I need online and have it delivered straight to my home - DVDs, liquor, groceries, etc... If you spend most of your life online playing role-playing games, don’t worry, you can also order prostitutes online... Now, with social networking sites like MySpace, you don’t even need to have any real-life friends! And, that is what I love about the internet! penis enargement fact top rated pennis enlargement pills pennis enlargement video vimax free penis enlargement video natural penis enlarement exercise home pennis enlargement free penile enlargment technique prosolutionpill surgical pennis enlargement

Over a decade ago, “spam” connoted a certain food product usually enjoyed for breakfast. Today, in the internet age, when people say “spam”, the first thing that comes to mind is junk mail, or those unwanted emails that come into your mailbox offering you all sorts of things from breast and penis enlargements to loans, to bogus offers. Spam tends to take up your mailbox space and eat up your bandwidth resources that it has become such a major problem and annoyance. Recent moves have been made by responsible individuals to push an anti-spamming law to punish those that commit it. And as spamming application grows sophisticated by the minute, the more effort anti-spamming advocates have to exert to thwart this perennial problem. Individually though, how does one stop spam from coming through the emails? Read on below for some of our suggestions. Normally, all email clients have built in spam filters and other similar programs to detect and stop spam. But often, these are not enough to protect emails from receiving those annoying emails because as mentioned earlier, spam has become more developed over the years. Fortunately, there are several other third party spam blockers and spam filters which you can download for free and then install on your computers. Some even have additional features that can easily flag phishing scams, or those emails that contain fraudulent messages supposedly coming from big banks and financial companies and are targeting your finances. What is the difference between spam filters and spam blockers? Spam filters – Identifies and stops spam which carry certain key words and spam texts before it even reaches the mailbox. The problem though, with many spam filter system is that it may potentially also block emails coming from legitimate accounts. So make sure that these spam filters are installed properly. Filtering emails does not guarantee a stop to spam, but it can make your Internet activity fairly easier. Spam blockers – Identifies and stops spam based on assigned blacklist containing the spammers’ email addresses or ISP. The downside of this is some spammers often change their ISP’s and addresses and this may not be assigned in the blacklist. You have to make sure to update your blacklist often. Whether it’s a spam filter or spam blocker, or both, it is best to monitor and identify what you need versus the features these applications offers before you install your choice into your computer. The other thing you can do to stop spam is to keep your email addresses separate and private. As most people carry a work email and a string of personal emails, use it for specific purposes only (e.g. work email addresses must strictly be for work only). Then divulge your email address only to persons you would like to exchange emails with. This move should help you stop spam by half. Use a personal free mail service when signing up online forums, groups or filling out online subscriptions. An email address specifically for these can be regarded as a “throwaway” or a “dummy email” which could serve as a buffer between your other more important emails. Stopping spam takes a conscious effort. Those email address have to be safeguarded by the user (you) to protect you from many of the harm that Internet use poses.