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"Masturbation ... is not approved of the Lord nor this church, regardless of what may be said by those whose 'norms' are lower", President Kimball of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (1981) "Every sperm is sacred. Every sperm is great. If a sperm is wasted, God gets quite irate." Monty Python's The Meaning of Life. A quote often used by various churches in an effort to contain illicit acts amongst its people. Every sermon on masturbation would quote it, atleast all the sermons I have heard. Under the circumstances, is it difficult to imagine masturbation as one of the biggest taboos in our society? Even today? Scientific education has done a little to change it. Does that mean men and women don't masturbate? Certainly not. 99% of men and 70% of women masturbate according to various studies. The problem lies in the acceptance of the fact that you masturbate. Let me tell you a story... a story about you. One night you were sitting alone in your appartment eating pizza. You decided to check out some new sites on the net while you eat. So you log on to your ISP and start surfing. Inadverantely, you come across some piece of pornography(yes, the net is quite full of it!) Looking at those erotic (and often downright nasty photos) you feel a tingling between your legs. One thing leads to another and you end up spoiling your underpants. Now let me tell you another story. One night you were sitting alone in a bar drinking beer. And then a most gorgeous person enters the bar. The person that causes tingling between your legs just looking at him or her. You decide that you can't let go of this oppurtunity to get to know this wonderful creation of god. So you move towards this person and start small talk. One thing leads to another and you end up in your appartment. Whether you are a woman or a man, the next morning you wouldn't be jumping with joy in the first case. When you go out in the evening to meet your friends, you would not tell them about the hot site you found and how you jerked off to it. Nevertheless, in the second case, you would be telling anyone who cared to listen how you had the most wonderful experience of your life last night. Why? Well, maybe because self pleasure is, well, nothing special. You can do it anytime you want. Ofcourse seducing the person of your dreams is quite an accomplishment. No wonder you need an audience. But what if you have a friend like me. A friend who is crazy enough to ask you did you wank off yesterday night? Was it good? What would you do then? Would you tell your friend about the hot site and your experience? Would you simply say, "Yeah! It was great! What about you?" Or would you pretend nothing had happened and lie... something like you were somewhere else yesterday night, or maybe lead your friend to believe you got lucky with someone? I am guessing you would do the latter. Most certainly you won't acknowledge the act of masturbation. Rather you would evade the question and change the topic. And when your friend tells you about a hot conquest the same night, you would wish you had a bowl of water in which you could drown. Shame and guilt would come over you and you would change the topic in double quick time. Are you crazy? Noway! You are just one of the majority. And quite a majority at that! Way more majority that what George Bush had in the last elections! The reason - social conditioning! You are just like the boy who ran out of the cinema hall that was screening an adult film (mind you, he had no business of being there in the first place! But all the cinemas care about is the sale of their tickets!) Later in the day, the friend who had been at the movies with him, caught up with him and asked, "Why in the hell's name did you run out?" The boy answered, "My mom said that if I watched a woman getting naked I would turn to stone. And damn you Harry, a part of me was already turning into stone!" Unluckily, the social conditioning is wrong. It is as wrong as the social condition in 18-19th century India, where widows were forced to burn alive with their husbands. As wrong as the church was in burning Galileo for implying the Earth was not the centre of the universe. Lily Tomlin put it best, "We have reasons to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation!" If god didn't want us to masturbate, maybe we would still be walking like dogs and horses! The social conditioning is a result of numerous myths, lies and scams perperated by numerous individuals for personal benefit. Unfortunately, this conditioning is like a hard nut, very tough to crack. However, with effort and chanelising your energies, you can break it. Remember, the nuts that crack the hardest, are often the ones that taste the best! You must be wondering, how the hell does it matter if you feel guilty about masturbation. Why should you spend time breaking this casing? Certain psychologists believe that guilt conscious, whether sexual guilt or in any other form, is the most destructive element for your mental health. Others believe it is one of the most destructive. But the greatest effect of guilt conscious in my experience has been a lack of confidence in self. Now you are an intelligent reader. I don't need to explain you the importance of self confidence. Be it your career, relationships or any other aspect of life, lack of confidence can bring your downfall. Now I am not implying that should you start to feel more comfortable about masturbation, you would succeed in all aspects of life. But it would be a nice step to take. An useless guilt that should, and can be eradicated from your mind. Remember, an ocean is made of small droplets of water. Get rid of a drop at a time and in due time, the ocean would be empty! Ofcourse it would take several millenia! Luckily, you don't have an ocean full of guily! Just some naggings here and there! The first step towards eradication of this guilt is knowledge. There are thousands of myths around masturbation. Most of them perperated by religion, unfortunately. But some perperated by scam runners. Lets take a look at the most important ones. 1. Masturbation is against the will of god. Bullshit. At one point the church considered anyone who was overtly passionate to his wife an adultrater. Follow that teaching and your wife would be committing adultery! Several clergymen have gone on record to say that not only the church's teachings about sexuality were unrelated to the scriptures, but that they caused more harm than good amongst people. Besides, nowhere in the religious teachings of any major religions is masturbation considered wrong. 2. Masturbation will cause impotency. Most males and even some females seem to think so. Wrong again. Lets tackle the males first. It is understandable that seeing their sperm flow out of their body, they think it may end sometime. Well, it will end one day... maybe when you are 100 years old. But until then don't worry. Your sperm bank is quite unlike Standard Chartered. You have unlimited credit here! Sperm is a completely renewable resource, renewable on an hourly basis! For women, well, there is no basis in the theory. Probably perperated by old ladies who never had an orgasm in their entire life! 3. Masturbation causes acnes, hair loss, skin diseases. This one is my favorite. Mainly because it is one of the better scams of all times! Your social conditioning would have you believe that masturbation is bad for your health. But bad how? No one would give you a satisfying answer! Now some scam artists saw this as an good oppurtunity to sell their products like hair growth lotions, etc. Since most people start masturbating during their teens, (the times of acne and other skin problems), they would have you believe that this is caused by masturbation! Unluckily for them, this is as untrue as the sun rising from the west! Masturbation has no physical side effects! 4. Masturbating will make you thin and skinny! Then there would be no need for diet pills and fitness regimes my friend! And most certainly 70% of USA wouldn't be overweight! 5. Only Kids masturbate! Why would you say that? I wonder! Well quite untrue, most adults masturbate... yup even after marriage! 6. Masturbation is for males. And it is for 70% of the women too. Thats right, two thirds of all females masturbate! 7. Only losers masturbate! Another of my favorites. Just goes to show just how much of a taboo is masturbation! First thing, 99% of males and 70% of females have masturbated atleast once in their lives. Now that is a hell of a lot of losers don't you think! Nothing more that I can add really... this is really the epitome of insecurity amongst people regarding self pleasure. 8. Masturbation is for homosexuals. Wow. Where did that one originate! Someone must make a etymology of these myths, would make for an interesting read! Just as untrue as all these myths, masturbation and homosexuality have nothing in common. Some people masturbate to their fantasies of opposite sex, others to their fantasies of same sex. Thats it. 9. Masturbation will make you blind! Others claim that masturbation is bad for your eyesights. However, their claims are unsupported by facts and medical advice. I suggest you talk to your general physician and he will explain you what a load of bull this is. 10. Masturbation changes the shape of your penis Well, it does make it rock hard. But believe me, once you orgasm, the hardness is gone! So no. Masturbation has absolutely no effect on how your penis looks. There are loads more of these myths circulating around the world. If you have a query about masturbation, ask me, I would happily lay your fears to rest. My email is advice@pornographytimes.com Now lets move on in an attempt to get rid of your guilt. Clearly, all the reasons that made masturbation such a taboo are baseless. So why should you feel guilty about something that is normal and actually healthy? Healthy? Yes that too! This January, I recieved an email from a woman who had some major problems in her marriage. Due to her career and that of her husband, their sexual life was inexistant. Both held jobs in big MNCs and were frequently out of town. Sometimes, they would see each other once a month! Nevertheless, they were very much in love. Her problem was, that inspite of all their love, they were getting into petty fights with each other. The woman was even experiencing problems during work, getting angry for no apparent reasons, shouting on her team. Her temperament was a creation of the stress caused by extensive work and lack of pleasurable activities. Add to that sexual frustration. My advice to her was twofold. First, I told her that she would have to slow down, and so should her husband. They must make time for their hobbies, maybe try and get in some physical exercise when they could. Most certainly, they needed to see more of each other. They should onsider talking off a couple of days and just be together. Second, while she was alone, she should consider fantasy therapy. Namely, reading erotic novels, watching erotic movies... exciting herself and eventually masturbating as regularly as she could. Three months later, I recieved a thank you letter from her. Apparently she had put my advice to practice (which is quite rare!) and it had actually helped. (Which is not so rare!) How did masturbating help her? Because most of her problems arose from stress and lack of physical activities. And masturbation, like sex, is the perfect medicing. When you orgasm, your mind gets cleared of the regular day to day problems. Your body gets excited and the blood flow increases. Sometimes, you even sweat! A complete and perfect exercise for those with lack of time! The next step in getting rid of your guilt is self belief. Something, no outsider can help you with. Here is what I would counsel. Read as many articles on the internet as you can relating to masturbation. Just so that you know that I am not bullshitting you. Any queries you have, don't be afraid to ask me or another sex advisor on any of the reputed websites. Remember, the first step is knowledge and the second step is belief. And knowledge leads to belief. 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Tantra is a spiritual tradition that originated in India some 4,000 years ago. It is a way of life that celebrates and strives for the union of body, mind, heart and soul. Tantra is a form of yoga. Yoga means union. The ultimate purpose of Tantra is the union of lovers, and ultimately union with the Divine. In the Tantric tradition, sexuality and spirituality are joined. Lovers actually invite God into their bed! Many cultures have a variation of this challenging and delightful practice, the Taoists in China and the Cheyenne in North America. There are differences in these practices, but all forms of sacred sexuality share the intentional cultivation and use of sexual energy for spiritual growth, healing, creativity and enhanced pleasure. The practices of Tantra were first introduced to the west in the 1800s, but a Tantric revival in the ashrams of India during the late 1960s has led to a gradual popularization of these practices in Europe and North America. Recent testimonials by celebrity musicians and movie stars like Sting and Woody Harrelson have promoted it and Tantra is becoming the sexual learning of choice for those who want to have it all: a passionate sex life, a healthy body, and spiritual growth. Tantric lovemaking involves breathing exercises, muscle contraction exercises, sound, visualization, affirmations, creating a sacred loving space and other ceremonial practices, meditation, sensual massage, and sexual play. In order to build a high sexual energy charge and to move into ecstatic states of divine connection Tantric lovers extend lovemaking over several hours, experiencing extraordinary levels of pleasure along the way. Part of the delight of Tantra is that you can continue to learn and advance throughout years of practice; it is never-ending in its potential for growth. At the same time, it is a practice that yields immediate results. You can experience a difference in your lovemaking right now if you follow these nine simple steps. Tantric Loving Step by Step 1. Intention Regular lovemaking has a goal, orgasm. If you both come at the same instant, many believe this is as good as it gets. However, this approach often results in a great deal of frustration and performance anxiety. With Tantric sacred loving there is no goal, but there is a purpose, union. Your intention is to merge with your lover in all aspects, body, mind, heart and soul, not just body. You can help this along by looking at your lover differently, by seeing your partner as a god or goddess, as a living expression of the divine. Look for the glory, the beauty and the wonder in your playmate and in yourself and let that shine. 2. Creating a Sacred Loving Space Set the mood; transform any ordinary space, bedroom, living room, etc., into a sacred space. It takes only a few minutes and costs little or nothing. The important thing is your intention, not the specific items you use. First, clean the room; vacuum, dust, and put away any clutter lying about. In the evening dim the lights and use lots of candles. Bring in plants or fresh cut flowers. A bowl of fruit is very sensual. You may wish to have a bottle of wine to share. Bring special objects that have emotional importance for into the room. Make up a lover's bed using your finest clean linens (silk is exquisite) and have lots of pillows handy. When you have finished creating the space, take a few moments to purify it energetically. That means consciously sending away negative or fearful thoughts and feelings, and inviting in those that are joyous, passionate and safe. Create your own rituals with sweet grass, incense, and musical instruments. 3. The Lover's Purifying Bath Cleanse each other in preparation for your joyous union. Wash away the dirt and cares of the world. A hot bath with essential oils and bath salts is perfect, especially if you can both fit into the tub at the same time. A shower is the next best thing, but perfectly acceptable. The essential thing is to be squeaky clean. After all you will be eating off that skin! Make the bath a slow, luxurious affair giving complete attention to your lover. Wash and dry each other with playful abandon. Men shave or trim facial hair and apply scent. Women apply their best perfumes and lotions. Sensually prepare your bodies for the delights ahead. 4. Honor, Respect and Permission Trust, surrender and opening your heart are essential if you want to reach the heights of bliss. It is not just technique that will get you there. You must join together as loving equals on the sexual journey. Men, think of the yoni (vagina) as a potential opening, don’t ever take your lady for granted! Speak softly how much you adore, love and respect her as you gently blow on her ears and nibble on her ear lobes. Let her know that you think of her constantly and how strong your desire is to make love with (not to) her. Also, let her know that you invite her to awaken sexually and to express her sexuality fully. Let her know that you are NOT caught in that tired old cultural conditioning that still insists "good girls" do not enjoy sex, the Madonna/Whore split. Make her believe you when you tell her that you know she can be all she wants to be: a successful career woman, a respectful daughter, a faithful wife, a caring mother, a passionate lover and a sincere spiritual seeker all at the same time. Tell her how beautiful she is, how wonderful she smells, and all the things you appreciate most about her. Finally, ask permission to be her passionate Tantric lover. Ladies, let your man know that he is safe! He may act macho and tough, showing little emotion, but inside most men are afraid of emotional intimacy. The tougher a man acts the greater this fear of trusting and surrendering will be. Let him know that you admire his strength, but that it also turns you on when he allows himself to be vulnerable by showing his feelings. Tell him how handsome he is and how talented. Mention all the things you like most about him. Tell him why you love him so deeply. Tell him how much you think about him when he is away, and how you have fantasies about making love with him and touching him when he returns. Make him believe that you really want him sexually. Finally, ask permission to be his passionate Tantric lover. 5. Foreplay Two simple ways to tune into each other are harmonizing your breathing and gazing deeply into each other's eyes. By matching your breathing rhythms and making soulful eye contact you connect emotionally and energetically as well as physically. Begin to explore each other's bodies with wonder, lust and playfulness. Remember, in Tantric sacred loving there is no goal. You are not trying to get somewhere. Each touch is complete in and of itself. Once you master how to work with your sexual energy both lovers will discover they can have orgasms just by touching fingers together, or looking into each other's eyes across a crowded room! So men are not in a hurry to get at the woman's breasts or into her yoni. When touching her body, start at the extremities, fingers and toes, and work in toward the hot spots. Go slowly! Generally men enjoy having their genitals touched at any time, but women usually only enjoy having their breasts and genitals touched after they are already sexually excited from other touching, stimulating conversation, or emotional connection. Make sure the woman is well lubricated before any attempt at intercourse. If possible, help her to have a clitoral orgasm before moving on to intercourse. 6. Intercourse Five to fifteen minutes of lovemaking is usually not satisfying for women. Men can learn to delay ejaculation so that lovemaking can be extended for hours. A man can delay ejaculation for weeks or months at a time, not just during one lovemaking session. A man who masters his ejaculation response can separate orgasm from ejaculation and become a multi-orgasmic-man! Such a man can last long enough in lovemaking so that his female partner will have enough time to also have multiple orgasms. Although Tantric loving lasts several hours, this does not mean you are having active intercourse during that entire time. Intercourse is interspersed with touching, oral play, quietly holding each other, dancing, massage, etc. It is a good idea for a man to allow his erection to subside every 30-45 minutes to exchange the blood supply and recharge his oxygen and hormone levels in the lingam (penis). 7. Moving Your Energy: The Passion Pump Riding the wave of bliss happens when the lovers become totally aroused sexually, maintaining that arousal for a period of time. They build up intense hot sexual energy. For the man, if this energy has nowhere else to go, there will be such great pressure in the prostate, that it will go into involuntary spasm and ejaculation will end the lovemaking. However, with a combination of breathing, relaxation, and muscle contraction exercises both men and women can learn to circulate sexual energy through their own and their lover's body. Ultimately the ego boundaries disappear and the lovers become one in ecstatic union. The muscle contraction exercise is very simple. If you were urinating and stopped the flow of urine in mid-stream you would be contracting exactly the right muscles in exactly the right way. This squeezing and relaxing of muscles around your genitals is called the PC Pump. It's the first and most important exercise in learning to circulate your sexual energy. At the peak of sexual arousal, either during intercourse or manual/oral stimulation stop your normal lovemaking movements and focus on moving the sexual energy that's pulsing in your genitals. Move it up and through your body. Use slow, deep abdominal breathing to keep your body relaxed. Add the PC pumping action and visualize moving energy up your body in a ball of fire or a wave of light or a current of electricity. Through your eyes, your hands, your genitals pass this powerful force on to your lover. At first, this may seem difficult because we are not accustomed to paying attention to our internal energy. With practice, you will be able to recognize and direct it. 8. Afterplay Regular lovemaking usually ends (often abruptly) when the man ejaculates, but Tantric sacred loving often ends while the lovers still have desire. This assumes the man has some mastery over his ejaculation response so that ending lovemaking is a conscious choice, sometimes including ejaculation, sometimes not. With Tantric loving you wind down your lovemaking with slow caresses, words of endearment and honoring each other with food and drink. 9. Sharing Wine, Food and Other Sensual Pleasures The sharing of good food, wine and other intoxicants, sensual massage, dressing up in costumes and playing sexual games are part of the ancient Tantric tradition. While Tantra is serious, it need not be heavy. Lighten up; be playful, lusty and daring! Tantra lovers know that they are personally responsible for their own sexual fulfillment and their own spiritual progress. This may be especially important for men. Many men experience a great deal of performance anxiety. But even the greatest, most sensitive, highly skilled Tantric lover cannot make a woman have orgasms. She must be able to go to that place in herself that is orgasmic. Sexual/spiritual ecstasy has little to do with control. It requires trust, surrender and letting go. Both lovers must learn to do this. If there is some psychological work to do before you will allow yourself to open in this way, then get on with it! In the meantime, please each other with the preparation, serving and consumption of fine food and drink. Lavish each other with touching in sensual massage. Dress up (and down) for each other. Take on different personalities with different costumes; wear masks. Play and laugh together. Celebrate your spirit through your sexuality. Open your heart. Let your lover in and your love out! pnis enlargement pic before and after vimax easy enlargement free penis surgery way penis enhancement system penis enlarement secret penis elargement fact guide to pnis enlargement penis elargement pic penis enlarement permanent penis elargement

Is there a link between penis size and body height? A 2002 study conducted by the British Journal of Urology gives some answers. Maybe this is one of the most popular myths about the size of the penis : while you could easily guess the shapes of a woman’s breast, legs and hips regardless of the clothes she is wearing, guessing a man penis size is notoriously a harder task without direct and real observation. Of course, some “happy few” can clearly boast – but this is rare – a big bulging organ behind their clothes. That’s also why many people still believe that the penis size could be related to factors like the size of the ears or nose, or the size of the hands or feet. Let’s go back to scientific facts : in 2002, a study conducted by the British Journal of Urology made clear there was no correlation between the size of the male foot and the penis size. It is also true that the study did not focus on body height to identify the penis size, but the result has of course every chance of applying to it. It must be understood that the penis is an appendage like the ears or the nose, and that it is not influenced by the body height. In fact, penis does not follow the same rules as bones or muscles which match the body height to simply sustain its weight and maintain its common erect posture. Study found that there is also no correlation between the limbs and the penis – even it is made clear that the development of the penis and the limbs inside the womb is controlled by the same genes. Remember that the overall human body development during childhood and puberty is controlled by genes and hormones in large numbers. And that is very unlikely that genes or hormones could control the size of two different parts or organs. This is why science has to do such myths justice or disapprove them forever, because there is no indication that they will ever vanish from the vast ocean of common ideas shared by mankind. top penis elargement pills pnis enlargement video free natural penis enlargement com enlargment penis penis pump pennis enlargement picture penile enlargement doctor penis enlarement surgery picture penis enhancement pic before and after permanent penis elargement

People that take dietary supplements know and understand that it is virtually impossible to obtain the amounts of nutrients needed for optimal health from food alone. They know that the most needed dietary supplement to take is a multivitamin so that their body can receive a variety of much needed vitamins and minerals. What they don't know is the differences between multivitamins and which ones have the highest potency, balances of nutrients, and the best absorption. Many cheap, low quality grocery-store brands (and many brands available through supplement stores) fail at obtaining high quality ingredients for absorption and potency. With most of these brands, there is a high probability that the vitamin simply passes through your system undigested, or with a low percentage of the nutrients absorbed. First let's get one thing straight: If you are taking supplements in pill form, then you definitely have not found the most beneficial supplement on the market. Don't get me wrong, I'm not against pill form supplements, it's just that I know that your body will not get all of the nutrients contained in that supplement. Even If you were to buy the highest quality vitamin on the market, the fact remains that your body has to break down that pill to liquid form before it can be digested properly. When your body breaks the pill down, the pill loses its potency and if the pill is of low quality, your body might not break it down at all (in other words the pill goes right through your system without being digested). Even If your body is able to break down the pill you are still only going to receive 10%-20% of the nutrients. That means for every $100 you are spending on nutrients, you are literally flushing about 90% of it down the toilet. Why take your system through the extra step of breaking down a pill when you can purchase a vitamin that is already in liquid form that will bypass the digestive process and go directly into the bloodstream and into the cells within a matter of minutes? I have tried several dietary supplements in liquid form and the Himalayan Goji Juice endorsed by Dr. Earl Mendell is the only all natural liquid vitamin that I can drink without having to chew some gum to get the nasty taste out of my mouth. This Goji Juice has a delicious taste and comes from goji berries with the highest nutrient density. Himalayan Goji Juice is the only liquid supplement on earth that contains all the nutrients you need to increase your energy and strength naturally while treating high blood pressure, cancer, diabetes, heart disease kidney disease, and a long list of other health problems. This juice contains four active polysaccharides (phytonutrient compounds) unique to the goji berry that come together to control many of of the body's most important biochemical defense systems, and are of great importance to the smooth functioning of every cell in your entire body. The juice also contains 19 amino acids (including all of the essential ones); More protein than whole wheat; 21 trace minerals including germanium (an anti-cancer trace mineral rarely found in foods); Vitamin C at higher levels than even those found oranges; Vitamin E (rarely found in fruits, only in grains and seeds); B-complex vitamins, necessary for converting food into energy; Essential fatty acids (EFA's), which are required for the body's production of hormones and for the smooth functioning of the brain and nervous system; Beta-Sitosterol, an anti-inflammatory agent (Beta-Sitosterol also lowers cholesterol and has been used to treat sexual impotence and prostate enlargement); and a complete spectrum of antioxidant carotenoids, including beta-carotene (a better source then even carrots) and zeaxanthin (protects the eyes). Goji berries are the richest source of carotenoids of all known foods. If you are looking for an all natural easily absorbable nutrient-dense supplement, then you should do yourself a favor and look into Himalayan Goji Juice. discount vig rx vimax penis enlargement picture penis enlargment product manual penile enlargment penis enlargement program plastic surgery penis elargement penis enhancement supplement pnis enlargement drug permanent penis elargement

If you have taught your child all the rules of ‘stranger danger’ you have protected him/her from a 1% chance of being sexually abused. This leaves your child vulnerable to the most likely sexual child abuse offender, family members or other trusted adults. 80% of children are sexually abused by a family member, 19% are abused by someone the child knows and trusts. The other little known statistic is the frequency of sexual child abuse. David Finkelhor and Dianna Russell’s research reveals 62% of girls and 31% of boys will be sexually abused by age 18. Unfortunately this statistic is considered low due to the difficulty in gathering data through surveys or reporting agencies. For many decades we have screamed, ranted, condemned, demanded and enacted legislation to punish sex offenders to little avail. The news media and magazines have joined in the campaign to illuminate the problem after the damage is done. As a result of the media’s incessant coverage and hype of ‘strangers,’ we have come to believe if we teach our children about ‘stranger danger,’ we have thoroughly protected our children from this horrific crime. The first response we form when hearing of sexual abuse or incest is denial. ‘I don’t have to be concerned about that in my community. That would never happen in my family.’ The unbelievable reality is that a person who sexually abuses children may seem very average and ordinary to the world. Furthermore, we find sexual abuse and incest even more difficult to believe or accept when the person we like, admire, love, and/or marry is the perpetrator of the abuse. Tragically, the unwillingness to accept the facts concerning sexual abuse perpetrators leaves children vulnerable to becoming victims and increases the likelihood that they will be abused. To understand how sexual child abuse is perpetrated by the person we least suspect one needs to have a comprehensive definition of sexual abuse. “Traditionally, incest [sexual abuse] was defined as: sexual intercourse between two persons too closely related to marry legally--sex between siblings, first cousins, the seduction by fathers of their daughters. This dysfunctional blood relationship, however, does not completely describe what children are experiencing. To fully understand all sexual abuse, we need to look beyond the blood bond and include the emotional bond between the victim and his or her perpetrator. Thus, a new definition has emerged. The new definition now relies less on the blood bond between the victim and the perpetrator and more on the experience of the child. Incest is both sexual abuse and an abuse of power. It is violence that does not require force. Another is using the victim, treating them in a way that they do not want or in a way that is not appropriate by a person with whom a different relationship is required. It is abuse because it does not take into consideration the needs or wishes of the child; rather, it meets the needs of the other person at the child’s expense. If the experience has sexual meaning for another person, in lieu of a nurturing purpose for the benefit of the child, it is abuse. If it is unwanted or inappropriate for her age or the relationship, it is abuse. Incest [sexual abuse] can occur through words, sounds, or even exposure of the child to sights or acts that are sexual but do not involve her. If she is forced to see what she does not want to see, for instance, by an exhibitionist, it is abuse. If a child is forced into an experience that is sexual in content or overtone that is abuse. As long as the child is induced into sexual activity with someone who is in a position of greater power, whether that power is derived through the perpetrator’s age, size, status, or relationship, the act is abusive. A child who cannot refuse, or who believes she or he cannot refuse, is a child who has been violated.. (E. Sue Blume, Secret Survivors).” There are two types of sexual abuse approaches—overt and covert. Overt sexual abuse is openly sexual and apparent. Although there may be an attempt to deny that it is abusive, there is no attempt to hide the fact that it is sexual in nature. Covert sexual abuse is more insidious. Thus, identifying it is harder, because the sexual nature of the action is disguised. The perpetrator acts as if she/he is doing something non-sexual, when in fact he or she is being sexual. The betrayal then becomes two-fold. The child is not only abused, but also tricked or deceived about the act. In this dishonesty, the child is unable to identify or clarify his/her perception of the experience. The unreal or surreal sense that accompanies any sexual abuse is intensified when the child is tricked into disbelief. Thus, the child doubts his/her perceptions and feelings and believes that there is something wrong with him/herself because he/she feels terrible. To make matters worse, everyone around her/him discounts signs of the abuse, because we don’t want to believe someone with a sterling public image would do such a thing. Thus the child feels crazy, as if she/he is the one with the problem. One example of overt sexual abuse whereby the perpetrator disguises his actions and those present are in denial about what is transpiring is exemplified by the incident a client, who is a sexual abuse survivor, reported seeing. Her father (her perpetrator) kissed his granddaughter, her one-year-old niece on the pubic area after her niece finished her bath. Her sister, the child’s mother, the child’s grandmother (wife of the perpetrator) were present. “My sister and mother (the child’s grandmother) laughed and I got sick to the stomach. Am I over reacting,” she asked. Obviously, her sister and mother are unaware of the definition of sexual abuse. Except for the fact this woman was in therapy she would not have considered it sexual abuse either. An example of covert sexual abuse by someone we least expect is exemplified by a 39 year-old woman who came to me after having a severe panic attack. During our investigation as to the root cause of the panic attack she revealed she had been ‘fondled’ when she was nine by a family friend. “He helped me on with my coat at a family gathering. As he adjusted my coat onto my shoulder, he fondled my breast.” This type fondling is often times referred to as ‘coping a feel.’ No matter the label, it is sexual abuse and causes damage. Women know how icky it feels when a man ‘cops a feel.’ Can you imagine what it would feel like for a nine-year-old, who has no information to comprehend and emotionally resolve what she experienced? Another example of covert sexual abuse by someone you least expect was told to me by my client, Rickie (not his real name). He remembered being held by his mother’s best friend in the water at the beach when he was six, while his parents sat on the beach. Fully protected from view by the water, she fondled his penis. This was not the end of the sexual abuse. When Rickie was 15 years old, she enticed him to have sex with her at her home while he waited for her son, his friend to come home. The second incident of her sexual abuse of Rickie was overt. There are six key techniques to abuse-proof your child. •Avoid spanking your child—spanking is a body boundary violation. Perpetrators target children who have had body boundary violations because they are less apt to protest any unacceptable body boundary violations, are more compliant with adults and are less apt to tell. You can avoid your child from falling prey to these cunning perpetrators by doing everything to avoid making your child a target. •Avoid touching your child in erotic areas—buttocks, chest, thighs, etc. Perpetrators state they use familiar touch (rubbing the child’s legs, buttocks or hugging/kissing) to desensitize the child before using touch which is sexual in content and intent. If your child is unaccustomed to being touched in erotic areas, he/she will protest immediately. Protesting will either thwart the perpetrator or alert anyone nearby that something is awry. •Teach your child self-protection by teaching him/her to protest violation of body boundaries or unwanted touch beginning at age two. •Practice and teach your child good body image. •Practice and teach your child to TELL YOU EVERYTHING, NO SECRETS FROM MOMMY and DADDY. •Practice and Teach Appropriate Suspicion—Trust your intuition, (a.k.a Sixth Sense)